I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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