i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
