Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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