I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
