Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
