Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize