Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
