She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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