my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
