I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
