And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
