Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
