i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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