Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
