my mouth tastes like poor choices
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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