Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
