she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
