Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize