i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize