During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
