So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
