Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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