You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
