I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
