I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
