Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
