i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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