Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
