At least make sure they are 18
Why
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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