Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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