I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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