remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
