i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
