I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
