What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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