did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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