Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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