Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize