How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
