He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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