This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
