Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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