ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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