I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
