I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
