I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
