we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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