Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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