EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
vagina is talking i cant
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
