Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
