Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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