Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
