you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
