I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
her vagine was all disorganized.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
