i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
