my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
