apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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