i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Randomize
