i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your cock deserves a montage
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
