omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
