Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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