Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
