If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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