someone owes me an orgasm
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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