i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We have started to decorate penises.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
