I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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