they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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