I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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