I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
