Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
