Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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