I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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