I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
