She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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