I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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