How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
