some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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