how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
